After 10 years of trying to work on all my other issues before working on my deep fears of dating, my therapist has been increasingly suggesting I am ready to begin addressing my terror of ‘Dating in my 40’s’. I had an appointment with her yesterday and she again encouraged me to start trying to date. I FEEL like I have been asked to pour gasoline on myself and start playing with fire. As a person very into calculating the risks I take, that FEELS like a high risk/low reward scenario.
In REALITY she has asked me start doing things like processing my trauma with her, research different dating apps in my local area and start figuring out what healthy dating might look like. When I am honest with myself, that is actually a fairly low risk/high potential reward scenario.
I am trying to bridge the gap between how it FEELS and the REALITY of what have been challenged to do by someone who has my best interests in mind. In the meantime, I numb myself a bit by watching Brené Brown’s The Call to Courage on repeat on Netflix and eating a little too much chocolate.
I breathe through it and try to keep taking one step at a time, know that I am in the midst of a storm and try to keep learning to dance in the rain. I KNOW God did not bring me this far to leave me now!